Saturday, November 06, 2004

NY Journal # 17

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Saturday, November 06, 2004
Soooo, you know when you think some actor is great, -as in: not your #1-favorite-of-all-time, but Really Great, as in one of your favorite characters on one of your favorite shows and maybe you're kinda jealous of 'em and admiring of how successful they are and their acting skill and how that could have been you maybe if you'd have stuck with acting and maybe the actor got nominated for an Emmy and then -won it- and how that made you happy when they did. And say, they open a new playhouse in the city with a play that sounds interesting and you send the details to your roommate and you both say "hell ya, let's go see it!" and then the very next day..... that actor comes and sits directly across from you on the subway train? I know. it happens all the time, right? Ya, today was my first. Sure, I've seen Mario Batali about 5 times now and ya, I like his shows even though he's unbearably annoying and no I dont know how I can like him despite all of that.... but this would be my first star sighting (Julianne Moore excluded - only 'cause she was so hot for me when I first saw her at the cupcake place) that I really valued and well... damn it... i woulda had something non-dorky to say. Oh right. the person. you probably dont even know him but maybe you do. heck, it's not important that You wouldn't know him 'cause, of course, the world is MY oyster and I just had two martinis (what?) Anyway, the actor in question is Michael Imperioli of ... well, he's been in a lot, but mostly known as Christopher Moltisanti, on the Sopranos. He and his wife recently opened Studio Dante and Ponies is the play I want to see. Soo... not that I needed to say anything to him but of course that didn't stop the scenario from playing itself out in my head -- as I would be nearing my station, I'd say "Are you Michael Imperioli?" - he'd say: yes - I'd say: "I dig your work - I'm going to be getting tickets for Ponies actually, it sounds great - keep up the good work" - then he'd say "hey, you ever done any acting? I've got a part you'd be great for on the Sopranos... here's the directors number.... come to think of it, you should meet my sister, she's hot, you'd like her" ..... and then I would wake up, having missed my train stop. Before I even played out my imagined future as the newest hot acting god, drunk on women and an overabundance of money, this is what I heard from the ... yes... Other End Of The Train - LOUDLY: "EXCUUUUUSE ME?!?!?!" - it's obvious to me, she wants his attention - he ignores it - HA! coool as ice - good for you - "EXCUUUSE ME?!??!! Are you that Sopranos Guy????!!!!!" - he looks up with a forced but friendly, practiced smile "ya" - her: "OH THAT's great! i love the Sopranos! i loved that episode when you got shot! yeaaa" - him: "hey, thank you, I'm glad you ... like the show" - HA! nice word choice! her: "yeah, it's awesome" - him: "well, thanks, I appreciate that" - - - 2 stops later, her son comes down & nervously says "Hi, I'm sorry, can I get a picture with you?" - this time, with genuine friendliness "Sure, no problem" - his wife then.... gets up... to... make more room for the photo I guess (??) and in classic-Imperioli-awesomeness, he smirk-laughs and says to her in full Sopranos NJ mob accent "hey, where you goin'??? what? you cant be in the picture???" - the mother comes over, like she's about to take some paparazzi photo she can hawk to the tabloids and says "Ok, now say... i dunno, "fugetabowtit" or, i dunno, something from the Sopranos!" - he deadpans it - not a grimmace or smile or any kind of acknowledgement to her supreme idiocy. If I would have been drinking milk, it would have been shooting out of my nose from trying not to laugh. Picture done, Imperioli makes a conscious point for eye contact while shaking the kids hand, they then leave him and his wife to the movie section of the newspaper they'd been trying to read.Did I overdescribe the scene? no, that's really what happened. Was any of it really of any major significance? not really. Would I rather have been the one to, ... firstly - Know his actual name and not call him "that sopranos guy" and then,.. paid him an Informed compliment and mention something NOT related to the Sopranos? Yes, yes I would have. I suspect he would have as well. Instead I got to witness the boorish side of fame worship - celebrity-sighting-gawkers in action.
god I love this city.

JOURNAL / BLOG ENTRY

Friday, November 05, 2004
If you voted like I did....... I feel your pain. so much, it hurts. a lot.real pain. real physical pain. Really.as if i needed more reason to cry - thanks, America. thanks, small town joe.it was hard enough holding on to the last vestige of pride in my citizenship. I'm obviously not alone (and no that's not me in the first picture)as if I needed to be shown this to know it was true. or this.once might have been a fluke, this however.....51% is an admission that more than half of us have no heart, no brain and no soul.(Wizard of Oz analogy intended) this might be the most all encompassing article summarizing our pain .....strike that... this is.what can we do now? move? that'd be an admission that the terroris... i mean... Republicans won. for now, just hug someone.


Thursday, November 04, 2004

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Currently ReadingRevelation SpaceBy Alastair Reynolds


JOURNAL ENTRY
Back in NY.... what to say? the week in Irvine was somewhat draining, off-and-on sad, often frustrating. I thought that deadened was the wrong word for what I've been feeling about my mom's condition, mostly due to the word-associative feel but Merriam Webster seems to point to it being accurate. Also accurate are it's Synonyms: benumb[ed], blunt[ed], desensitize[d], dull[ed], mull[ed], numb[ed] - all because of the Related Words cumulative effect, I have been: anesthetize[d], paralyze[d], unnerve[d]; stun[ned], stupef[ied] by the reality confronting her. and only by extension, me. I can think of and talk about the situation with a detatched objectivity, as if telling a story about a fictional Kory and his family. If not for the irreverance of it, I would find it a fascinating psychological study into grief and the prolonged sickness and preperation for the loss of a parent. And yet, not even irreverent is the right word for it. To say that I dont have the proper respect and seriousness is just not right. I'm fully aware of what is going to happen, and to put it plainly, I am not screaming out "NOOOO" inside... as I guess I thought I would be. Why? I dont know. Have I moved on to the 'acceptance' phase of grief..?¤ Shock - yep, felt it, feel it, will probably continue to feel it...¤ Denial - ya, same here, perhaps my detachment springs from an intentional misconception that this is happening to someone else.¤ Bargaining - i think this one might just be for religious folks. I haven't made any deals with the devil or god to spare anyone... ¤ Fear - well, ya, duh... a spoonful of fear-sugar helps human-ness go down.¤ Anger - "ya, it's terminal brain cancer, a-hole, think that might be serious?" - That's a little thoughts I've had at times when people ask me if she's "going to be ok".. I appreciate the concern, I do, I know it's an awkward subject - I guess it's just that we're just a little more sensitive to stupid questions these days.¤ Despair - I had to look up despair to see what Exactly it meant. Can you lose all hope if the time for hope came to an end? ¤ Acceptance - this is the part I question... Am I really there yet? perhaps I'm just accepting of one of the many barrages of shock-and-awe-bad-news that's rained down upon us. Each new bit from the doctors and MRI results has brought the stages of grief to call. Which I think has made the acceptance phase easier to bear each time. A reality, almost impossibly hard to accept has been forced on us repeatedly to this point where "ya, ok, i get it" - it's ending. Does that make me calloused? Is 'deadened' a cruel word to use to describe my current state? Is my openness and honesty in talking about it irreverent or accepting...?
A new topic for tomorrow, I promise.


Monday, November 01, 2004
JOURNAL ENTRYSo.... the major dilemma for my dad seems to be this 'hospice care' thing. And to what degree someone will be helping out, in the home or in -a- home. I guess it's a major admission that the end is near and that hope to overcome the cancer has been given up. For 17 months now they have been practicing an active act-and-react hope system (surgery, then hope) and then denial when the cancer came back - for good reason of course - up until a few weeks ago, there was always another step they could try. As the available surgical and medical options have vanished, a positive attitude has been harder to maintain. All of this coupled with the fact that my dad is now doing his job and her job and assisting in most of her basic daily functions including eating.... ya, they need help. no need to elaborate on that. So now my dad is trying to figure out if they need someone 7am-7pm or someone live-in or someone to visit a few times a day or every other day or whether a hospice home is more approprite. All of this has been mentioned to me with questions as to what level of involvement i think a hospice helper should be helping. I am of course strongly opposed to any sort of hospice home that my mom would be sent to. I cant think of anything worse to end one's days than to be sent somewhere to die. Of course, I am not living here and dealing with the pain day to day and i feel a bit guilty for even interjecting my opinion on him when he is the one in the middle of the storm. ok. mom and hospice lady are done w/ the shower. off to hang w/ the moms.


Sunday, October 31, 2004
JOURNAL / BLOG ENTRY
In Irvine, CA:
° kids trick-or-treat at shopping malls. not department-store-type malls, but supermarket-and-31-flavors type malls. Really. a lot of them. like a whole lot. like more than you remember being out and about in your neighborhood growing up.
° kids do Not trick or treat in their home neighborhoods. Why? is actual community involvement and comingling something of the past? or for 'other' neighborhoods?
° Iranians are everywhere. No really. every - where. look, there's one now.
° At the local supermarket, in the deli section, the sandwichboards listing the different cuisines you can choose from read as following: Sandwiches - Persian - Mexican.
° If you do not have a car you are A) under the legal driving age. B) too old to drive. C) carpooling (if you've spent any time in Southern California, you are laughing hysterically right now - there is no such thing as carpooling)
° smog is the thing hanging over L.A., off in the distance - not your problem, keep driving.
° shopping malls (the dept store kind) are what there is to do for evening entertainment.
° the "lowest crime rate in the country" stats are watched ever so closely to make sure Irvine has not dipped from # 1 status.
° Eating out is, as it is in Texas, the norm, not the exception. - in fact, aside from the Iranians, maybe this could be a list of why Irvine is like Texas list.
° where my parents are.
° oh- the anti-mall. what's the anti-mall..? I'm glad you asked. it's a hilarious collection of counter-culture type stores which in itself defines itself as mass culture even though it's not even though it is even though it's not even though it is.. http://www.thelab.com/ maybe it's the poetry readings that lend that aire of anarchistic authenticity. Oh AND THE parking validation!!

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