Monday, June 26, 2006


Whenever one of my two daily email-list sources tells me about something I want to check out, I know I should stay away for a week to let the crowds die down. Whenever two of them tell me about it? "Squirrel please" ... stay away for a month, at least.

And yet.. when it comes to hungry girlfriends on a mission holy crusade, blessed by the right hand of her once a month get-out-of-diet-free-card day, such common sense lines are sometimes crossed. Or... waited in.

If you know me, you'll know that one of my most hated things on earth that... no the one that isn't mimes, is waiting in lines. I could do a whole post about how much and why and with what kind of bezerker intensity I hate lines and maybe I will (don't tempt me) but for now, let's all just know that I hate lines a lot. A whole whole lot. And my most favorite types of line to hate are the ones made up of trend-slave hipsters and yuppie scene-chasers who live for the next kitschy restaurant or club to define their name-dropping lives. Sorry, what? me full of judgment? Surely you jest.

Anymooo.... Faced with such a line, the trade off was this: "baby? here's some money. I will lose my mind if I have to go in there. Get whatever you want on the menu. I'll be waiting right here on this stoop. Love you! bye!! see you!!". - Praise the gods of hunger and happenstance, Esra doesn't mind those... what're they called again? oh yeah - "people".. and was cool with waiting in line for what - I readily admit - turned out to be pretty good food at only moderately stupid prices. ($7 for "gourmet" mac & cheese? yeaaahh... ok.. fine.)

Are you realizing that I'm not actually gonna review the food or the restaurant? good job.

The best part of the S'mac experience, for me, was all the Trash Talking (a sport I spell with a capital T.T.). Passer-by's repeatedly validating my bitterness and spite - it was delicious. And absolutely hilaaaaarious, sitting outside, listening to pretty much every single person who walked by talk crazy amounts of (s)'mac(K) about.. and I quote: "what's this? oh. the next friggin' east village food phenomenon. great" and "[shocked look at the length of the line] for MACARONI AND CHEESE????!!!" and "hipsters will wait in line for anything!" and on and on. Of course.. I saw myself as them, speaking for me.. and yet there I was waiting in line.. but I wasn't. I got to wallow, from a surreally detached state, in some good natured self-loathing while listening to what could have been my inner voice talkin' (s)'mac(K) about me, a line-waiter (who wasn't a line-waiter). In case you're confused, I believe it was Sartre who first philosophized on this very moral dilemma, the hating-yourself-for-waiting-in-line-for-overpriced-macaroni-and-cheese-but-not-really-'cause-you-sent-your-girlfriend-in-'cause-you-hate-lines-so-much.

Just before Esra came out with the food, I overheard a guy sum it all up; talking to his girlfriend, he said: "shit, fuckin' east village and the kitschy food phenomenon bullshit... first it was fucking hot dogs (crif dogs & the other copycats) ... then it was dumplings (dumpling man and the copycats) then... shit i forgot what the others were [he thinks it over for a bit] damn, i cant remember but i know there's like 3 others! now it's gonna be mac & cheese! is anything sacred?"

Silly man.. in a city where restaurants turn over like cheap whores with bad hearing, restaurants with a gimmick are sacred. In New York, sacred still means "unique until people find the next unique thing", right?

All that said... check out S'mac. just wait a little bit for the lines to die down.

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