Friday, July 22, 2005

Outlining.... the fuuuuture!!!

So many happenings, so little writing about it... I'm in one of my slacker not-writing-about-anything phases it seems. sad.. so sad. What's happening, you ask?

I. not much.
II. that's a lie, there's a few things, they are as follows:
---A. the girl I'd talked about, Sarah, and I are not dating anymore.
------1. I wont go into why, except to say that it involved an orangutan, bank robbery and a wild trucker convoy run from the law. enough said.
------2. in a lot of very specific areas, she was the most amazing person ever. in other areas... not so much.
------3. oh well. life goes on.
----B. I've been dating since then but I'm not going to be talking about it since it turns out that I am a retard who believes in superstition and I fear the almighty jinx by talking about things that aren't confirmed. I'm waiting until I have at least two kids to say anything about me and anyone, from now on.
III. My volleyball team made the finals
----A. In the semi-finals, we won 2-1 games, beating a team that had previously kicked out arses.
------1. we advanced to the finals.
----B. we promptly lost.
------1. the team we lost to was comprised of seven nobodies and one 6'8" Goliath.
--------a. David does not always win against Goliath.
IV. My volleyball team started it's Summer season.
----A. due to the fact that less people play in summer leagues, the schmoes who organize our league seem to have either dropped us down a skill level or consolidated a lower skill level into our level.
------1. this has made our team kick crazy amounts of ass, we're undefeated, 6-0.
------2. this has also made play a little less interesting.
--------a. it's hard to feel good about your team's great play and feel sorry for the other team at the same time.
V. I joined a softball league.
----A. I know, I know... I hate baseball.
------1. I know!
------2. I know, I hate it A LOT. I might have even made you hate how much I talk about hating it a lot. Sometimes I wont shut up about how much I hate it. I hate it that much.
--------a. seriously... I know! I hate baseball. it's true. let it go already.
------2. softball isn't baseball.
--------a. even baseball, I would play, I just will not watch. not even a little bit.
----B. we had our first game last night
------1. we were losing 19-3 until the last inning, where we scored 7 runs to lose 19-10.
------2. on my first "at bat" in at least 10 years, I hit a triple.
------3. on my second at bat, I got a single.
------4. on my 3rd & last at bat, I popped the ball up to an outfielder who literally did not have to move his feet at all to catch the ball. he could have been doing a headstand and still have caught the ball. it was kinda beautiful how accurately.. or.. uh.. inaccurately, I hit the ball.
----C. everybody on my team seems to be super cool... not hipster-cool, just cool.
------1. three of the five girls are frustratingly beautiful, making concentration difficult for the six guys on the team.
----D. Our first game was on Randalls Island, the rest I think are in Central Park.
------1. I can think of a LOT worse ways to spend a few hours after work.
VI. is the best site in the universe. ok, at least 'my new favorite'.
----A. Next to my journal, of course.
----B. It's like my DM overheard's but incorporates the rest of the wonderfully mindless stupidity that's overheard all over this town.
VII. Places I'm dying to go:
----A. LaCaverna. come to NY, we'll go.
----B. free kayaking - down a river - IN NEW YORK.
----C. An arcade -slash- bar in Brooklyn with all the old-school games we grew up with.
----D. Ethiopian food is the best. come, we'll go.
VIII. I've been hired on as permanent at my job.
----A. Oh yeah.
----B. health insurance rules!
------1. kick ass health insurances rules even harder.
----C. Job security is good too.
------1. Job security must not become complacency.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Just Overheard, Baby...

Just Overheard, Baby...
++ did you name her yet? Excuse me? really? You know what you're doin' to your daughter, right? JC? like the initials..? oh. Jay-Cee? oh... Jaysie... oh, s-e-y. Wow, where'd you get that name? y'know she's not gonna like you when she grows up.

++ It's alright, I didn't know what I was gonna name my daughter until two weeks before she was born. Her name's Lauren Ashley.. I wanted to name her Ashley but my husband said it was too preppy. So I'm sittin' there one night, watchin' films on tv and like two movies with Lauren Bacall come on.. then one with Lauren Hutton.. then one with some other Lauren... I was like.. Ow-Kay - guess I know what I'm namin' my daughter.

++ I saw she had red hair and I said "I'm done". It's all over for me. I'm stoppin' at one kid. Sure enough, she turned out to be the devil.

++ [to her husband] Your daughter is joining gyms, getting credit cards...

Friday, July 01, 2005

Overhea... what?

Y'know... I never claimed that anything DM says actually makes sense... Seriously, I wish I knew what she was talking about today. Sadly, she's losing her voice again. Why? C'mon, you know her well enough by now to guess why.

++ I really need to start drinking.

++ I had the police at my house last night. Y'wanna know why? 'cause one of her friends.. this guy calls this girl and rapes her.. so the police trace the call and it came from our house. Yeah, they were there for an hour. I said do NOT let anyone use this phone, you see what happens? yeah.

++ [Lauren says] you know ma, i feel pretty good. I go to school, I have a good boyfriend. I haven't gone out..

++ she's about to get blown away by my sister, Ralph, Nate...

++ nobody's gonna stop until they get her, she can run but she cant hide

++ and I have David in between me screaming...

++ you know what I was doing, I was calling over and over. I'd call, get no answer, hang up, redial. For. One. Hour.

++ if my daughter would pick up the phone but my daughter will NOT pick up the phone, TRUST me.

++ you can ask anyone, I will throw my daughter to. the. wolves. you dont do that to anybody.

++ you're 23. what I see in you, Mike.. you can do anything... she will only get more focussed and better around you. I'm so glad she's with you. you can be anything you wanna be, and you will.

++ Lauren, ya, no suprise that you're not picking up. you NEED to call me. we need to talk about last night. I'm serious. if you want to keep seeing Mike, you NEED to call me.

++ [3 minutes later] you NEED to give. me. a. call. Your future with this guy is hanging in the balance. We need to talk about last night. I'm serious. Do not fuck with me Lauren.

++ [1 minute later] You've got one hour before I have your phone shut off. you WILL start answering your phone when I call.

++ I have to give you a call back, that's Lauren calling.

++ What were you and Sarah doing last night? what did you do? what did you say to Mike? did you know he got a call from some guy from Abby's phone. Mike was crying telling me this. the guy says to him "how's your penis?" you boyfriend was crying, talking to me.

++ you and mike are finished??? what? were you gonna have a conversation with mike and tell him?? you have to owe up to what you do.

++ Kathy, my daughter is a piece. of. shit.

++ I gave birth to Satan. Her and Abby together are NOT a good pair. they are evil.

++ Yeah. She wont answer my calls. This guy Sal picks up my daughter's phone.. I hear her in the background going "who's that on the phone, why'd you answer the phone, dont answer the phone, who's on the phone??"

++ I am going to torture her all day long. I am going to blow up. Like, huge. I am going to make her feel like a lowlife piece of garbage.