Tuesday, December 07, 2004

NY Journal # 19.75 (oops)

Tuesday, December 07, 2004
It seems that my hair has reached the length proscribed by sages and sorcerers of universal magic to conjure powers of invisibility.
invisibility to women, that is. I seem to have become a non-entity. A non-considered, space-taker that might as well be fat, bald, smelly and wearing a bugs bunny t-shirt stained with bodily fluids. And sweatpants. Also stained with bodily fluids. And yet, someone who looked like that might actually get a look or two of pity. Not me, I'm invisible! WOOHOO!! Honestly, I swear this is not self-pity, it's just an unfortunate, observable fact. Nothing that I cant change of course, my self image is not that lacking... I just think it's an interesting phenomenon. It could be the ever-increasing amount of gray hair I have or the ultra-lackluster, blase brown-ness of the rest of it, seemingly stripped of any color. Stripped and then beaten with a wet sash. and then baked in a 3000° clay oven for 4 days.
There was a time when invisibility was my most coveted superpower. Unfortunately, the type I'm now sporting does not afford me the pleasures I dreamed it would when I was 14 years old. I am, sad to say, not so invisible that I can walk into the ladies room at my gym and watch women shower... nor, and I almost found this out the hard way, am I invisible enough to walk into bank vaults and make snickering, five finger withdrawls. Nor can I make my kittens lose their minds.
I -am- invisible enough to go unnoticed by any and every lady I have found attractive in the last few weeks. Strange because I've been a bit more attentive to the way I dress lately and damn it if I haven't always been a stylish god that all men look up to, knowing full well they never could live up to. And still, despite... no, in spite of... my fashion god like status... I get no love.
'How do you know they're not looking?' you say? spies. I position people randomly around me, secret service ear beads and wrist mics networked in to..... ok, fine... i dont know. but you'd think i'd notice some here or there, right? ya. no. I'm not. noticing it, that is. It could be that I'm just being hard on myself or maybe I raised my expectations after cutting my hair when basically Every Woman on earth was checking me out, 24/7. I couldn't even handle the number of phone numbers I was collecting. I had to hire a personal assistant to.... oh, sorry, did i fall asl... sorry, I just woke up, what was I saying? Oh right. women seemed to look at me slightly more when my hair was super short than they do now which is, see above, not at all.
Am I just justifying my desire to cut off all my hair again? Sure! why not..? Also though... very true is the fact that my hair is reaching a length where I am going to have to either a) have it cut b) try to cut it myself c) put hair products in it to tame it slightly. Obviously, I seem to have deep rooted issues with a) as I saw a grand total of -1- barber in 14 years time. still, maybe i should, maybe they'd have good advice for possible hair styles ("hair" ..."style"... ??? what's that?) As for b) - sure, I can, I mostly likely will... but is it the right thing to do..? As for c) - I swore to myself that I'd cut it all off again if I ever had to be putting hair products in my hair again every morning. it really feels like that's where I'm headed. or maybe I'm just invisible lately.
DAILY SHOW again tonight! WOOHOOO!!!!!!!! at least the daily show will love me [insert mock pouty look here]

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