Monday, December 20, 2004

NY Journal # 22

Monday, December 20, 2004
How do i describe how lame my birthday was without seeming like a sad-sack, pathetic waste of anti-social self-loathing? Hey!! that oughta do it..!! No, it wasn't cry-in-private lame but more of an apathetic "wow... this is kinda lame" lame.
35 and counting. It actually wasn't so bad for a solitary b-day, my first since turning 30. ok, those two sentences just made me feel ridiculously old. annnd pathetic.

Let's go to FJ & HB in the studio for highlights....
- there were three highlights actually, two of them football related.
First, the Raiders won. I'm not used to saying that this season, so I'm going to say it again... the Raiders... won. despite much effort to the contrary. technically, I should be rooting for the Raiders to lose so they get a better draft spot next year but I learned yesterday that I'm only able to summon such cynically bitter and delicious sarcasm when the Raiders are actually losing a game, not when they have the lead, like they did throughout the whole game yesterday. Second, the Denver Broncos got beaten hard, ending their ever-drizzling playoff hopes. If you follow football at all, or dont... for a Raider fan, this is like eating your favorite food while getting a massage while winning the Nobel prize while making out with a supermodel.
The third highlight... the one that signalled my mental music conductor to bring to life the choir of angels with a triumphant "Aaaaah!!!!".. and then made me giggle like a secret-prank-playing school-boy was... that it snowed.
the first snow of the year... on my birthday.
And then, again, this morning.. not my birthday anymore, but still... I was getting dressed & went to the window to peak out at the weather so I could figure out how warmly to dress... a thin layer of snow... and then it began again... totally out of my control... it started... sotto voce... almost subvocal... seemingly.. conniving... maniacal in fact,... with a near-insane glee. a slow, steady... almost evil... Giggle. as if to a fiendish plan that had finally come to fruition. as if, damsel secured to the tracks, I was left free to twirl my handlebar mustache and cackle with witch-like delight.
yessss.... winter wonderland... you will be mine.... .......

Monday, December 20, 2004
it's 12 degrees out. and you're freezing. suuure, it hurts to breathe and those tears from the cold wind threaten to freeze on your cheek. suuure, that same wind somehow manages to find ways into every part of your clothing and reverse-insulate you in a chill. suuure, people will slip and fall and crack their heads open while other people (umm.. not me) laugh at them. and suuuure, the lightning quick jumps between freezing to death and overheating in a subway station or train is something you can barely stay ahead of but......
it's .... just... sooooo.... freakin'..... beaaaauuuuuutiful.
and magical. and playful. and pure. and seemingly ignorant of gravity's most basic laws. it's simultaneously ethereal and ever-present. the colorless candy coating that covers every unsightly morsel of the city with a deliciously uniform and unconditional disregard. A free pass to be beautiful again. A get-out-of-ugly-free card. For as long as it snows, at least.
I know, I'm one of very few people here who looks forward to it ... who relishes a good snowfall disrupting the morning comute of the four-wheel-inclined. A dusting that causes tourists and city dwellers alike to slip and fall (see above... oh right. not me) A snow that piles up in gutters and against buildings as some store owners struggle to keep lawsuits from materializing in front of their store while others spare the street salts and opt for some ol' fashioned, low grade comedy instead.
Frankly, I dont understand why I'm in such the minority with this loving an urban winter thing. There's so much beauty behind all the self-centered misery people absorb themselves in. Cold is cold and absolute cold chills absolutely, it's true, but you're always a building or two away from a heated environment or more clothes so.... suck it up and enjoy the show, people.
Granted, to be truly chilled is a time-warping experience, on par with noticing every detail of a car crash, as it happens ... and in the moment, it's all you can think of. A brisk wind, when it's around 15° out or lower, can feel like your exposed skin is being instantaneously molded with a covering of ice, perfectly contoured to fit your body, but only present while the wind blows.
But look how pretty it is! look how white it makes everything! Can you even stand the purity of it all?!?!? -I- cant. For some it may be a balmy 80° sandy beach, for others maybe it's a fireplace, hot chocolate and a rain splattered window. For me it's flurries and furious snowfall.
Suuuure, it'll stop snowing. Suuuure, the snow will eventually be tainted by the city's smog, sludge and territorial dog markings. Suuuure, it may even become more nuisance than delight - even to me. And sure, I may not always giggle like an excited child when i see it.
Thankfully, that time is not now.
now pardon me while i warm myself over the fire of my own delusion.

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