Friday, May 27, 2005

Temp Guy

----They hired a temp to help out with orders, here at good ol' IPC. Why? I dont know. maybe they actually saw how swamped I got at the end(s) of the month(s) ((typical Sales Guy's waiting until the last minute to throw in as many orders as they can so they get their commissions)). He is a boob, a simpleton, a blockhead, a cretin, dodo, dolt, donkey, dope, dork dumbbell, dummy, dunce, fathead, goon, half-wit, ignoramus, imbecile, jackass, knothead, moron, nincompoop, ninny, nitwit, numskull (or numbskull), a pinhead, a turkey a booby (different from a boob), a fool, a goose, a ... you get the point. He's studied the process guide for days but still doesn't get it. He's watched me do dozens and dozens of orders but still doesn't get it. I've watched HIM do dozens and dozens of orders but still doesn't get it. He makes the same mistakes over & over & when I gently point out the errors, he says "Ohhh, ok.. I get it" but then either makes the same error or asks a question wherein the solution to the error that we'd gone over DOZENS of times was, you guessed it... the answer.
----He talks, incessantly. And not just about anything in general, but .... ok, here's an example - not even an hour into knowing him, he gives me 3 different self-help acronyms for motivational living. N.O.P.I.B. was the first one... damn it.. I seem to have lost the piece of paper he wrote it down on (Yeah, he wrote them down for me). It was all about taking care of your needs (the N.O. part) & then being conscious of other people's needs (the P.I.B.) And then there were a few others about prioritizing your work and other oh so helpful little tools for life, ALL the while, I'm trying to work AND train him AND make sure he knows what I'm doing AND because I've been asked to train him, I cant email and surf the net and just generally mess around at work in between the stop-and-go flows of work.
----I'm really tempted not to describe how he looks for fear you'll crumble in pity as I am sometimes tempted to do. Seriously, not to be mean or anything (is objectivity mean or just.. objective?) - for F'n reals, he needs to shave the monobrow bridge attempt and use some lotion for dry skin and please oh god please get better at shaving... the new cuts every day has me wondering if he shaves in a washing machine while blindfolded. I wont even mention the beady lil eyes of rodentia nor the face to match. ok, i'm feeling like a judgmental asshole now.
----What? I'm being mean? sit right down... let me tell you a story........

So.... Temp Guy said to me the other day:
HE: Oh, so I was thinking... there's this musician
me: [silence]
HE: ya, he's really.. musical [makes piano motion with fingers]
me: [silence]
HE: maybe you know him...?
me: [silence]
me: [more silence]
HE: shoot, what was his...
me: [silence]
HE: OH! ya, I remember....
me: [silence]
HE: ya, his name is Yani
me: [silence]
me: [more silence]
HE: ya, so I was noticing.. 'cause.. his name is Yani
me: [silence]
HE: and your name is Dayani....
me: [ANGRY silence, if that's possible]
HE: .... is... is there any relation?
me: [silence]
me: I am seriously gonna pretend like you did not just ask me that.
HE: Oh.. you're right... I just thought...

----I wanted to punch him and say "oh my god, i'm sorry... ya that has NO relation to what you just said to me.. it just... happened..! i'm sorry"
---Elizabeth's best friend's name is also Elizabeth & twice while growing up, people asked them "you're both Elizabeth? are you two sisters?" maybe that'd be worse.
nah. mine involved Yani.

----Today is a little bit better... maybe it's just that it's Friday. Though, with him outta my hair and in my coworker Taresa's business, I feel a touch of sanity returning. I'm feeling more pity than frustration today... I cant tell which is worse.

6/3/05 UPDATE:
The day before yesterday, my boss called the temp agency to tell them we no longer needed Temp Guy. Apparently, the message did not get through because he showed up to work yesterday. Fine. ok. the message just hadn't gotten through, right? Wrong. He showed up today, called Taresa and left a voicemail asking her to come down to the lobby and ok the guards to let him up (something we have to do for everyone without a security badge). Taresa ran this by our boss, asking him what to do. Boss says "ignore it. I'll call the temp agency again and tell them they need to call the lobby". He calls them, they say they left Temp Guy a message last night so... ya, why did he show up today? they say they'll call both him and the lobby to tell him he is no longer needed. Meanwhile, Temp Guy calls again. and again. Taresa meanwhile, tries to go down to the lobby to get some food, but there's Temp Guy, still. Two other ladies in the office used the freight elevator to avoid him. I know, I know... why didn't our boss just go down there and tell him, right? There's three ways to answer that question: 1) I tell you to go back and reread the parts of my journal that talk about my passive aggressive boss and what a schmoe he is. 2) I say "I dont know" 3) I say "he shouldn't have to. that's what temp agencies do. they hire and fire. or un-hire as the case may be".
---I find out later that Temp Guy may have just been ignoring the message(s?) from the temp agency and showing up just to see if he could work and not get told to go home by confrontation weary non-managers.
---Before you suggest it, I'll say "yes, I will be wearing my bulletproof vest to work on Monday"

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