MG - Comedienne Extraordinaire

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MG - Comedienne Extraordinaire

Well.. you asked for it. Or.. I'm pretending you asked for it: A compendium of inanity, an accounting of pedantry, a syllabus of the supercilious.. ok, that last one was a stretch. How about just "Stupid Sh!t A Certain Someone In My Office Says"..? No? ok, I'll keep working on a title.
--
MG: dd, I meant to ask you... are you french?
dd: oh, you mean my last name, yes, it's french.
MG: Oh, I was wondering
dd: yeah, my husband is Haitian
MG: oh, it's french... then you must like Au Bon Pain, Ha ha ha ha ha.
..[silence]

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MG: did you see the Martha Stewart movie last night?
mn: no
..[pause]
mn: oh, DD did you see Desperate Housewives last night?
..[MG answers even though DD was addressed]
MG: no, you know,.. is that show good?
..[mn frustrated by conversation hijacking by MG]
mn: yeah, it's good
MG: yeah, I really feel I should watch it 'cause it gets such good ratings!
mn: yeah, it's really good.
MG: huh, interesting. I would have watched it but I was watching that other movie.
mn: other movie?
MG: yeah, the Martha Stewart movie..
..[pause]
MG: I think I'll watch that Desperate Housewives... was that like... the last .. episode?
mn: huh?
MG: are there more of them, or was that it? is it on ... every week like?
mn: yeah, every Sunday
MG: oh, ok. so.. yeah, maybe I'll watch that then. I would have watched it last night but the Martha Stewart movie was on.

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dd: what do you have over there, DC?
DC: I've got Raisinettes, you want some?
dd: ooh, I like Raisinettes
..[pause]
dd: but do you have Goobers?
DC: no, no Goobers, I dont like those so much
..[pause]
..[pause]
MG: what, have you been watching too much Andy Griffith?

sadly... so so sadly.. i got her joke. (<--- #12) ....making it all the more painfully un-funny.

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today...

MG: why do we keep getting all these hurricanes?
..[no one answers her]

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yesterday...

MG: why do we keep getting all these hurricanes?
..[no one answers her]

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day before yesterday...

MG: why do we keep getting all these hurricanes?
..[no one answers her]

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..the set up: in the telecom world, there are circuits called "hoot and holler's" - dont ask why, like most things in telecom, it's not important or interesting why they're called that.

MG: so.. DD, I was going to ask you...
..[pause]
dd: ..... ...yeah?
MG: yeah, I was going to ask you, do you give a ..hoot... about your hoot and holler circuits?
..[pause]
..[pause]
..[collective office cringe]
..[pause]
dd: no

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MG: oh, what is it "Rosh huh shunuh?" - Ohhh, maybe that's why the freeways weren't so crowded.

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dc: that army private lady got sentenced. Mmhhmm. 3 years.
dd: 3 years????
MG: you know... you know... I dont even think she should have been sentenced at all.
..[pause - no one wants to touch this one]
MG: yeah.. I mean, they behead our people and blow us up and..
me: so.. we should humiliate them? physically and mentally and mock their religion to their faces and..
MG: no, well no.. you're right, I just mean..
me: isn't our military supposed to be better than that? U.S. as world police, right?
MG: yeah, they should be.. they are, what she did was definitely wrong.
me: so she should be punished, dontcha think?
MG: well.... yeah.

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Triscuit Watch 2000:
MG's thing for the past few weeks has been Triscuits. she brings them. she offers them to everyone. no one takes any, except to occassionally be polite for her constant offering.

9/12/05
MG: hey, I brought some Triscuits... aren't they just so good? Would anyone like some Triscuits?
..[no one says anything]
MG: well if anyone wants any, let me know

9/13/05
MG: hey MN, want some Triscuits?
mn: huh? oh. um.. sure, I'll try one.
MG: good, huh?
mn: yeah,.. they're good with melted ch...
MG: I love Triscuits, I eat them all the time. well, not all the time.
mn: I have them sometimes with melted gruyere and red p..
MG: oh yeah?? that sounds good! Yeah, I like them better than Wheat Thins.

9/15/05
MG: ohhh, I forgot to bring Triscuits. shucks. what will I eat now?

9/20/05
MG: hey, DD?!! I brought some Triscuits!!
dd: oh.. yeah?
MG: yeah!! want some?
dd: no thanks.
MG: hey MN, I brought Triscuits! one sec..
..[she walks over to MN to force Triscuits on her]
MG: Kory, you want Triscuits?
me: no,.. thank you though
MG: what's the matter, you dont like Triscuits?
me: no, I like 'em just fine - just not wanting one right now, thanks though
MG: ok, well if you change your mind
me: thanks
MG: I've always got 'em, feel free to come get some whenever

9/23/05:
..[badly singing the 50's Triscuits jingle]
MG: a Triscuit, ..a trasket, ..a da da da dum da da, I ..la la la da da da da

9/26/05:
MG: God, I forgot to bring in Triscuits again! I know - I'll go to Duane Reade at lunch.

9/28/05:
MG: Hey, DD, want some Triscuits?!??! MN, want some Triscuits?

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MG: hey MC!! ....MC! hey. ... hey MC, you want some Triscuits?
mc: oh. I do love those, but no, thanks though
MG: I love them too. I got the cheddar kind this time, but I dont know if I like them
mc: I usually just get the regular
MG: me too, but I got the cheddar this time
mc: oh yeah?
MG: yeah. I'm not sure if I like them.