Friday, September 30, 2005

MG's Verbal Shock Therapy


MG's Verbal Shock Therapy
..[two ladies are talking about something gossipy]
..MG walks up to them
MG: y'know, I could really go for a soda pop!


a customer kept calling MG asking sales related questions that a sales rep should have been handling. Instead of politely asking the customer to call the sales rep for those sorts of questions, MG exasperatedly ("I'm at my wits end!") gets her manager involved so her manager can get our boss involved so our boss can get the sales rep involved telling the sales rep to call the customer to tell them that the customer should call the sales rep the next time. the "he" to follow is the customer.

MG: he's on me like flies on pot roast!
..[I see her in peripheral vision looking around for someone to laugh at her "joke"]
MG: hee hee heee!!! like flies on .. HA!! like flies on pot roast!!
..[no one acknowledges what she's said]
MG: heee hee heee...!
MG: well I thought it was funny


..[two ladies talking to eachother, MG walks up to them]
MG: hey DD, do you ever get sausage fingers?
dd: ....sausage fingers?
MG: yeah, you know.. like when..
dd: I dont know, no
MG: you know, when it's really humid out and your fingers feel all fat, I call 'em sausage fingers
dd: ohhhh
MG: yeah, now I just need some eggs and hash browns to go with it! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
dd: ....cant say I ever get sausage fingers
MG: hey MC, you ever get sausage fingers?!
mc: nah, but I had a heck of a time buttoning up my shirt this morning, I dont know what it was, I guess I was just really tired.
MG: sounds like you had sausage fingers
mc: yeah, maybe. I just couldn't wake up this morning.
MG: hey, MC, what train do you take to get here?
mc: the 1 normally but today I took the
MG: oh, I see
mc: ...but I took the 7 to Penn Station 'cause of some congestion of trains somewhere
MG: oh my friend said she saw some Arab jump a turnstyle and the cops chased him
mc: oh ya?
MG: yeah, I dont know what that was about.


MG: hee hee hee!! like flies on a pot roast!!
MG: hee HEE!! HEE!!! like flies on a pot roast!


MG: hey DC, wanna get some [makes stupid chicken clucking sounds]
..[in my mind, I see DC's eyes roll]
MG: I guess that's a 'no'.


dd: no, I'm sick! ...and I think Kory's the host..!
me: what? no! "I dont get sick" (my personal 4-word-shield-against-sickness)
dd: no, I know.. you're the host, you brought it in!
me: HA! you're probably ri--
MG: Oh my god, do you know who I ran into on the bus today??!
MG: this guy, he works at channel 11. it was sooo interesting!
MG: yeah, he had all these stories.. working at a tv station, just so interes..
dd: oh yeah? some bus flirtations, eh?
MG: no, it wasn't like that. we just started talking. I told him my knee wasn't hurting so bad today and the weather.. we talked about. And then he was telling me all these things about working at a tv station. sooo interesting!

POST-SCRIPT: $10 to the first person who correctly identifies MG's brand of neuroses. $15 to the person who cures her.

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