BLOG ENTRY
I'll admit I'm including this here more for me so I dont lose the recipe than for any of you (though I of course encourage you to make it also). To me and my taste buds, there aren't any more intensely-Iranian flavors than sumac and pomegranates. I was so gung-ho to track down this recipe that I went into a bookstore near my work this morning, found the magazine and sat there text typing it into my phone (yes, like a total dork). Borrowed without permission (but made world famous by me, here!) from Gourmet Magazine:
Sumac Skirt Steak with Pomegranate Reduction
2 cups pomegranate juice
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon lemon
1 tablespoon sumac
2 pounds skirt steak
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
3 tablespoons shallots
1/4 cup tawny port
bring pomegranate juice, lemon, sugar, 1 tablespoon butter and ¼ teaspoon salt to boil then reduce to simmer. Simmer 20-30 minutes until liquid has reduced by one third. preheat broiler. mix sumac, pepper and remaining salt together. In a baking pan, lay skirt steaks and sprinkle sumac mixture on top. let sit for 10 minutes to absorb. broil 3-4 inches from flame, 2-3 minutes per side. Remove and let meat sit for 10 minutes. Bring 2 tablespoon butter to a foam, adding shallots then the port. Add any meat juices from the meat plate and simmer. Whisk in the pomegranate reduction.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Listicle 21.IZ
BLOG ENTRY
▫▫▫▫▫▫▫ this is the happiest song in our solar system. with or without Pluto!! open it in a new window and let it play in the background while you check out the links below.
▫▫▫▫▫▫▫ from happiest song to the most beautiful (and my current favorite). seriously, it almost makes me weepy. Weepy and yet still very, very manly. Ignore the video (if you want), it was the only way to get the song to you. The band is Conjure One (a project by Rhys Fulber of Front Line Assembly and Delerium), the song is Center of the Sun.
▫▫▫▫▫ they put another of my overheard's in Overheard In New York (second one down).
▫▫▫▫▫ My OhMyGodIamSOoOoFreakin'Excited item of the day IS!!!! drumroll (or drumstick.. or eggroll) please! - Of course, it's on St Marks but will that stop me? I'm sorry, you were saying something? I couldn't hear you over the deliciousness of my roast pork bun and grilled cheese and mac and cheese pocket and musubi and and and and and and and.....
▫▫▫▫▫ $125??? I will do it for $99.95 and I'll give you two 8½ by 11's! give one to a friend!
▫▫▫▫▫ It's rare that I check out web animations and Very rare that they make me laugh.. yes, out loud even. 2 good chuckles, I swear. (even rarer that I'd recommend them to anyone)
▫▫▫▫▫ amazing stop motion films. check out Kaboom.
▫▫▫▫▫ Oh West Coasters, gather round as I tell fantastic tales about transportation methods not involving just you sitting in your car.. they're called.. "sub - ways". Many cities employ them.. and care about them... make them beautiful even. look.
▫▫▫▫▫ REARRRHH!! dont like that picture? click on the picture? dont like that picture? click on the picture? dont like that picture? click on the picture? ... 5 hours later............
▫▫▫▫▫▫▫ this is the happiest song in our solar system. with or without Pluto!! open it in a new window and let it play in the background while you check out the links below.
▫▫▫▫▫▫▫ from happiest song to the most beautiful (and my current favorite). seriously, it almost makes me weepy. Weepy and yet still very, very manly. Ignore the video (if you want), it was the only way to get the song to you. The band is Conjure One (a project by Rhys Fulber of Front Line Assembly and Delerium), the song is Center of the Sun.
▫▫▫▫▫ they put another of my overheard's in Overheard In New York (second one down).
▫▫▫▫▫ My OhMyGodIamSOoOoFreakin'Excited item of the day IS!!!! drumroll (or drumstick.. or eggroll) please! - Of course, it's on St Marks but will that stop me? I'm sorry, you were saying something? I couldn't hear you over the deliciousness of my roast pork bun and grilled cheese and mac and cheese pocket and musubi and and and and and and and.....
▫▫▫▫▫ $125??? I will do it for $99.95 and I'll give you two 8½ by 11's! give one to a friend!
▫▫▫▫▫ It's rare that I check out web animations and Very rare that they make me laugh.. yes, out loud even. 2 good chuckles, I swear. (even rarer that I'd recommend them to anyone)
▫▫▫▫▫ amazing stop motion films. check out Kaboom.
▫▫▫▫▫ Oh West Coasters, gather round as I tell fantastic tales about transportation methods not involving just you sitting in your car.. they're called.. "sub - ways". Many cities employ them.. and care about them... make them beautiful even. look.
▫▫▫▫▫ REARRRHH!! dont like that picture? click on the picture? dont like that picture? click on the picture? dont like that picture? click on the picture? ... 5 hours later............
Thursday, August 17, 2006
wedding guest
JOURNAL / BLOG ENTRY
---- Esradragged me kicking and screaming and crying like a baby took me as her date to a wedding on Saturday. To say it was it a painfully long and annoying experience would be like saying that the cosine of a triangle is found by dividing the length of the adjacent side of a reference angle by the length of the hypotenuse. Duhh!!~
-- Rumor has it that men hate weddings... dont ask me where I heard that, just know that rumor is fact as my nearly-boredom-and-annoyance-exploded-head can attest. The only highlights to the day and night were these: the wedding was tv-textbook complete, with wedding march, priest-read vows, the famous Corinthians "Love is___" reading, flower girl, reception, party, the whole works. The party was held here (an annoying 45 minute shuttle bus ride from the wedding, but beautiful, for sure) and despite the fact that the wedding band was waaaay too into themselves and the dinner, slated for 7:30, was served at 9:30 - it proved to be at such an ideal locale, it made the rest of the annoyances almost bearable.
-- Other highlights included: a) one lone bat circling above everyone's heads while the bridesmaids and best man read their speeches (despite all my best mental efforts at telekenisis, I couldn't make the bat fly into anyone's face). b) the bride's drunk sisters rambling on about things only they found giggle-funny c) the couple we drove up with getting pretty sloshed, leading to... an ... interesting ride home. d) the unfortunate fact that I forgot to go to the bathroom before we got in the (car service) car for the 2 hour ride home and of course had to go about halfway through the trip, leading to this conversation: "um.. guys.. hey, I'm really sorry, but I have to go to the bathroom" - "what??? why didn't you go when we were at the mansion??" - "I .. uh.. didn't think I had to go." - "driver? is there a gas station near where we could use the restroom" - "umm.. no, there's really not" - "Uhh.. well.. I dont care where we stop, but we're going to need to stop at some point soon... sorry" - no one says anything.. I then say "hey, I dont care if we just have to pull over on the freeway here, but I need to go... really, I am sorry" - never thinking that he would ACTUALLY pull over on the side of a major 6 lane freeway - which, he ... of course, did. So I get out and of course there's no bushes or trees I can really hide behind so I turn away from the car and traffic we've been driving along with but - of course - this means the other side of the freeway can see... my business - if they are so inclined, which in my mind, they all are. So I'm standing there, trying to pee, which I desperately need to do, but I might as well be standing on stage at Radio City Music hall with my pants down. I am also all-too-aware that our driver and my fellow passengers are watching out for cops and oh yeah, everyone in the state of New York is looking at my penis at that very moment. Zen... relax.. waterfalls, no one is looking.. you're in your own bathroom at home, no one is HONNNNNK!!!! Grrr. Why didn't I go at the damn mansion?
-- The thought of getting back in the car without having gone was finally enough to .. relieve me.. of said mental block.
---- Esra
-- Rumor has it that men hate weddings... dont ask me where I heard that, just know that rumor is fact as my nearly-boredom-and-annoyance-exploded-head can attest. The only highlights to the day and night were these: the wedding was tv-textbook complete, with wedding march, priest-read vows, the famous Corinthians "Love is___" reading, flower girl, reception, party, the whole works. The party was held here (an annoying 45 minute shuttle bus ride from the wedding, but beautiful, for sure) and despite the fact that the wedding band was waaaay too into themselves and the dinner, slated for 7:30, was served at 9:30 - it proved to be at such an ideal locale, it made the rest of the annoyances almost bearable.
-- Other highlights included: a) one lone bat circling above everyone's heads while the bridesmaids and best man read their speeches (despite all my best mental efforts at telekenisis, I couldn't make the bat fly into anyone's face). b) the bride's drunk sisters rambling on about things only they found giggle-funny c) the couple we drove up with getting pretty sloshed, leading to... an ... interesting ride home. d) the unfortunate fact that I forgot to go to the bathroom before we got in the (car service) car for the 2 hour ride home and of course had to go about halfway through the trip, leading to this conversation: "um.. guys.. hey, I'm really sorry, but I have to go to the bathroom" - "what??? why didn't you go when we were at the mansion??" - "I .. uh.. didn't think I had to go." - "driver? is there a gas station near where we could use the restroom" - "umm.. no, there's really not" - "Uhh.. well.. I dont care where we stop, but we're going to need to stop at some point soon... sorry" - no one says anything.. I then say "hey, I dont care if we just have to pull over on the freeway here, but I need to go... really, I am sorry" - never thinking that he would ACTUALLY pull over on the side of a major 6 lane freeway - which, he ... of course, did. So I get out and of course there's no bushes or trees I can really hide behind so I turn away from the car and traffic we've been driving along with but - of course - this means the other side of the freeway can see... my business - if they are so inclined, which in my mind, they all are. So I'm standing there, trying to pee, which I desperately need to do, but I might as well be standing on stage at Radio City Music hall with my pants down. I am also all-too-aware that our driver and my fellow passengers are watching out for cops and oh yeah, everyone in the state of New York is looking at my penis at that very moment. Zen... relax.. waterfalls, no one is looking.. you're in your own bathroom at home, no one is HONNNNNK!!!! Grrr. Why didn't I go at the damn mansion?
-- The thought of getting back in the car without having gone was finally enough to .. relieve me.. of said mental block.
Micro Memoir
JOURNAL ENTRY
too short for a full journal post? too long or inappropriate for a listicle? try a Micro Memoir! filling and delicious. you'll lose weight just reading them.
-- Becoming aware of a disturbing trend in NY subway ads, I noticed the other day that tube travel is now, somewhat ironically, wrapped tightly in a coccoon of "Get out of ___". Get out of debt ads, get out of your troubled marriage (for cheap!), get out of your dead end job, your bad skin situation, your non-beach city, your less than angel white teeth because life is always greener on the other side of your bank account, on leaving your dentist, your lawyer's office, your new workplace. Am I just now realizing that ads try to sell you a new life? No. Every product that's ever been advertised or class or service promises that transformative, worldly relief only their organization knows how to provide. What I'm really suprised at is the read-between-the-lines lack of contentment implied in the ads. 'You've made your life crap, let us help you get out of those mistakes you willingly walked into'. As if your life has been reduced to a series of stupid dead ends you drove into and now need to back up out of and try again (loser!). Maybe it's true. Maybe you do need help with certain things; one or more of those ads may be just what you need (you should probablyenlist in escape to the army if you if you need them all). Or maybe you should get out of the frame of mind where everything in life will be dandy if you could just get out of that one last little problem in your life. That and the fact that our commute, from open air to trains-inside-of-subterranean-tubes is shrink wrapped not in confinement, but in dreams of escape.
-----------------
Matthias: we were supposed to go to atlantic city to see the foo fighters
Matthias: but I had to bail
kory dayani: i think Jesus would have to be playing 5 instruments simultaneously while naked angels had a lesbian free-for-all to get me to go to atlantic city to see a show
-----------------
People who argue that the (NFL) preseason games "dont count" ought to be forced to play in one; against men who've structured their lives so far to lead up to this point and no other. They're clawing desperately at ever narrowing odds of being able to play the sport they love, for money - for a few years - with even narrower odds of becoming marginally famous enough to stay in the game for a veteran average of 10 years. For the amazing feats produced under stress and competition alone, we should consider these games even more real than the regular season and rally behind aspiring players because they're the closest our couch-potato asses will ever come to being able to play on that skill level.
--other points worthy of note:
-----these guys all memorize playbooks the size of phone books.
-----these guys all. memorize. playbooks. the size. of. phone books..
-----"We talk about it being just the preseason," [Raiders] free safety Stuart Schweigert said, "but once you establish that winning feeling [Raiders currently are 3-0], you want to have it every week. I think we lost what it felt like to win the last couple years. We're hungry for it and want to keep getting it."
too short for a full journal post? too long or inappropriate for a listicle? try a Micro Memoir! filling and delicious. you'll lose weight just reading them.
-- Becoming aware of a disturbing trend in NY subway ads, I noticed the other day that tube travel is now, somewhat ironically, wrapped tightly in a coccoon of "Get out of ___". Get out of debt ads, get out of your troubled marriage (for cheap!), get out of your dead end job, your bad skin situation, your non-beach city, your less than angel white teeth because life is always greener on the other side of your bank account, on leaving your dentist, your lawyer's office, your new workplace. Am I just now realizing that ads try to sell you a new life? No. Every product that's ever been advertised or class or service promises that transformative, worldly relief only their organization knows how to provide. What I'm really suprised at is the read-between-the-lines lack of contentment implied in the ads. 'You've made your life crap, let us help you get out of those mistakes you willingly walked into'. As if your life has been reduced to a series of stupid dead ends you drove into and now need to back up out of and try again (loser!). Maybe it's true. Maybe you do need help with certain things; one or more of those ads may be just what you need (you should probably
-----------------
Matthias: we were supposed to go to atlantic city to see the foo fighters
Matthias: but I had to bail
kory dayani: i think Jesus would have to be playing 5 instruments simultaneously while naked angels had a lesbian free-for-all to get me to go to atlantic city to see a show
-----------------
People who argue that the (NFL) preseason games "dont count" ought to be forced to play in one; against men who've structured their lives so far to lead up to this point and no other. They're clawing desperately at ever narrowing odds of being able to play the sport they love, for money - for a few years - with even narrower odds of becoming marginally famous enough to stay in the game for a veteran average of 10 years. For the amazing feats produced under stress and competition alone, we should consider these games even more real than the regular season and rally behind aspiring players because they're the closest our couch-potato asses will ever come to being able to play on that skill level.
--other points worthy of note:
-----these guys all memorize playbooks the size of phone books.
-----these guys all. memorize. playbooks. the size. of. phone books..
-----"We talk about it being just the preseason," [Raiders] free safety Stuart Schweigert said, "but once you establish that winning feeling [Raiders currently are 3-0], you want to have it every week. I think we lost what it felt like to win the last couple years. We're hungry for it and want to keep getting it."
Friday, August 11, 2006
celebrity conversations, imagined:
JOURNAL ENTRY
[elevator door opens, revealing Paris Hilton and her bodyguard staring vacantly]
Kevin Bacon: Heyyy... well... Paris. Hi.
Paris Hilton: Hi.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon: good to see you again. [looks for recognition, sees none] 'member? we met in 97 at the Las Vegas Hilton?
Paris Hilton: do I know you?
Kevin Bacon: yeah. Kevin Bacon. well, no you dont know know me, but we met.
Paris Hilton: when?
Kevin Bacon: '97. 1997. In Las Vegas.
Paris Hilton: oh yeah.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon: oh yeah 'you remember'.. or.. oh yeah 'I just said '97'?
Paris Hilton: what?
Kevin Bacon: nevermind... what are you doing here?
Paris Hilton: Umm.. we're going up [gives her bodyguard a "duh" look]
Kevin Bacon: No I mean in Veil. what are you doing in Veil? skiing?
Paris Hilton: I'm buying a llama. it's name is Georgie. well, it's gonna be Georgie at least, unless it's a dude llama.. in which case I'll name him Poncherello.
Kevin Bacon: cool. that sounds.... umm...
[pause]
Paris Hilton: who are you?
Kevin Bacon: Kevin Bacon. I'm an actor? You've probably seen me in some movies. [pause] Footloose? Flatliners? [pause] Apollo 13?
Paris Hilton: Oh yeah. Flashdance.
Kevin Bacon: No. that wasn't me.
Paris Hilton: what? why not? what about Six Degrees of Separation?
Kevin Bacon: no, but close. some people made up a game where they use me to tie other actors together through various movies I've been in.
Paris Hilton: you play a game where you tie up actors??? that's awesome.. like in Swimming With Sharks.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon: this is my floor. good talking to you.
Paris Hilton: bye, sexy.
---------------------------------------------
[by the hotel pool]
Carson Daily: duuude, what's up, man? wow. it's great to meet you!
John MacEnroe: Hi. uhh.. you look familiar.
Carson Daily: Carson Daily... the Carson Daily show? MTV? what's up, bro?? I've been a fan for for... since WAY back!
John MacEnroe: you have a tv show?
Carson Daily: yeah, it's cool. Oh man - great idea: I totally wanna have you as a guest.. would you.. be up for somethin' like that?
John MacEnroe: Uh.. sure, yeah. I'm no music expert but..
Carson Daily: oh, dont worry about it, we wont even talk about music.
[pause]
John MacEnroe: your show's on MTV? but we wont tal..
Carson Daily: yeah, it's totally cool, no worries man.
John MacEnroe: you have a tv show???
Carson Daily: yeah, why?
John MacEnroe: Oh, nuthin'. what's your show about? what's the format?
Carson Daily: it's a talk show. I talk to people. Or they talk. You know, talk show kinda stuff.
John MacEnroe: Yeah, I know.
Carson Daily: huh? well, yeah.. I'll have my people call your people then. Man, this is wicked! Ivan MacEnroe!! I cant believe it... This'll be awesome!
John MacEnroe: it's ... nevermind... yeah, do that. your people, my people .. will talk I guess, then.
Carson Daily: [impersonating John MacEnroe] Out?? What do you mean that was out?? that was soooo IN! Duuude! C'mon!
John MacEnroe: Ha ha. yeah. I used to get...
Carson Daily: ok bro, I gotta jet. We'll talk.
[Carson Daily leaves]
John MacEnroe: douchebag.
[elevator door opens, revealing Paris Hilton and her bodyguard staring vacantly]
Kevin Bacon: Heyyy... well... Paris. Hi.
Paris Hilton: Hi.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon: good to see you again. [looks for recognition, sees none] 'member? we met in 97 at the Las Vegas Hilton?
Paris Hilton: do I know you?
Kevin Bacon: yeah. Kevin Bacon. well, no you dont know know me, but we met.
Paris Hilton: when?
Kevin Bacon: '97. 1997. In Las Vegas.
Paris Hilton: oh yeah.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon: oh yeah 'you remember'.. or.. oh yeah 'I just said '97'?
Paris Hilton: what?
Kevin Bacon: nevermind... what are you doing here?
Paris Hilton: Umm.. we're going up [gives her bodyguard a "duh" look]
Kevin Bacon: No I mean in Veil. what are you doing in Veil? skiing?
Paris Hilton: I'm buying a llama. it's name is Georgie. well, it's gonna be Georgie at least, unless it's a dude llama.. in which case I'll name him Poncherello.
Kevin Bacon: cool. that sounds.... umm...
[pause]
Paris Hilton: who are you?
Kevin Bacon: Kevin Bacon. I'm an actor? You've probably seen me in some movies. [pause] Footloose? Flatliners? [pause] Apollo 13?
Paris Hilton: Oh yeah. Flashdance.
Kevin Bacon: No. that wasn't me.
Paris Hilton: what? why not? what about Six Degrees of Separation?
Kevin Bacon: no, but close. some people made up a game where they use me to tie other actors together through various movies I've been in.
Paris Hilton: you play a game where you tie up actors??? that's awesome.. like in Swimming With Sharks.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon: this is my floor. good talking to you.
Paris Hilton: bye, sexy.
---------------------------------------------
[by the hotel pool]
Carson Daily: duuude, what's up, man? wow. it's great to meet you!
John MacEnroe: Hi. uhh.. you look familiar.
Carson Daily: Carson Daily... the Carson Daily show? MTV? what's up, bro?? I've been a fan for for... since WAY back!
John MacEnroe: you have a tv show?
Carson Daily: yeah, it's cool. Oh man - great idea: I totally wanna have you as a guest.. would you.. be up for somethin' like that?
John MacEnroe: Uh.. sure, yeah. I'm no music expert but..
Carson Daily: oh, dont worry about it, we wont even talk about music.
[pause]
John MacEnroe: your show's on MTV? but we wont tal..
Carson Daily: yeah, it's totally cool, no worries man.
John MacEnroe: you have a tv show???
Carson Daily: yeah, why?
John MacEnroe: Oh, nuthin'. what's your show about? what's the format?
Carson Daily: it's a talk show. I talk to people. Or they talk. You know, talk show kinda stuff.
John MacEnroe: Yeah, I know.
Carson Daily: huh? well, yeah.. I'll have my people call your people then. Man, this is wicked! Ivan MacEnroe!! I cant believe it... This'll be awesome!
John MacEnroe: it's ... nevermind... yeah, do that. your people, my people .. will talk I guess, then.
Carson Daily: [impersonating John MacEnroe] Out?? What do you mean that was out?? that was soooo IN! Duuude! C'mon!
John MacEnroe: Ha ha. yeah. I used to get...
Carson Daily: ok bro, I gotta jet. We'll talk.
[Carson Daily leaves]
John MacEnroe: douchebag.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
A fantasy football choose-your-own-adventure novel
JOURNAL ENTRY
Your work week slides by in a series of conference calls and utterly forgettable moments. Before you know it, Friday night is upon you and you're still at work - You sigh and look at the clock. Not long now... you have a dinner date in 30 minutes and need to shut down your computer and get the heck out of there!! but, DAMN! you forgot to set your fantasy football line up! Quickly, you hightail it over to your fantasy page and check to see who you've got Active. Good thing that you did, your Tight End has a BYE this week! Your knees tremble slightly and blood flushes from your face; you almost played this week without a tight end, surely making you the laughing stock of your league. Your other active starters are locks this week, somehow they're all playing against Detroit. If you select your backup tight end Kellen Winslow to be active, go to page 83. If you try to pick up a Free Agent TE and quickly slot him as Active, go to page 113
Your second tier running back has just been arrested in a high speed chase and shoot-out claiming the lives of his baby's mama and 37 mailmen on their lunchbreaks. There are only two days left before the trade deadline and suddenly, the thought of trading the Falcons Defense for Edgerin James doesn't sound so bad, even if he is in Arizona. Do you make the trade with your interdivision rival or will you scour the free agent/waiver wire for a last minute roster drop? Turn to page 375 to make the trade, turn to page 486 to play the free agent gamble.
Your love life is finally on the upswing. Things are going great with the Olive Garden hostess you met at your office christmas party, you just got a one percent raise at work and your sister just married that a-hole who owns the boat dealership - you hate him but it means weekends on a boat in the bay. Life couldn't be better. Do you play Peyton Manning against a strong Bills Defense (page 633) or Phillip Rivers against the spotty Titans Defense (page 698)?
Your entire team is made up of Oakland Raider players - normally this would be a very wise decision based on your deep commitment to excellence.. but the Raiders have a Bye this week. You'll need to drop some players to pick up some non-Raiders. Do you drop Janikowski and the TE Courtney Anderson and scramble together a rag-tag team of free agents (page 744) or do you play like a real man and activate all your Raiders, believing in their ability to score points without even playing? (page 788)
Your work week slides by in a series of conference calls and utterly forgettable moments. Before you know it, Friday night is upon you and you're still at work - You sigh and look at the clock. Not long now... you have a dinner date in 30 minutes and need to shut down your computer and get the heck out of there!! but, DAMN! you forgot to set your fantasy football line up! Quickly, you hightail it over to your fantasy page and check to see who you've got Active. Good thing that you did, your Tight End has a BYE this week! Your knees tremble slightly and blood flushes from your face; you almost played this week without a tight end, surely making you the laughing stock of your league. Your other active starters are locks this week, somehow they're all playing against Detroit. If you select your backup tight end Kellen Winslow to be active, go to page 83. If you try to pick up a Free Agent TE and quickly slot him as Active, go to page 113
Your second tier running back has just been arrested in a high speed chase and shoot-out claiming the lives of his baby's mama and 37 mailmen on their lunchbreaks. There are only two days left before the trade deadline and suddenly, the thought of trading the Falcons Defense for Edgerin James doesn't sound so bad, even if he is in Arizona. Do you make the trade with your interdivision rival or will you scour the free agent/waiver wire for a last minute roster drop? Turn to page 375 to make the trade, turn to page 486 to play the free agent gamble.
Your love life is finally on the upswing. Things are going great with the Olive Garden hostess you met at your office christmas party, you just got a one percent raise at work and your sister just married that a-hole who owns the boat dealership - you hate him but it means weekends on a boat in the bay. Life couldn't be better. Do you play Peyton Manning against a strong Bills Defense (page 633) or Phillip Rivers against the spotty Titans Defense (page 698)?
Your entire team is made up of Oakland Raider players - normally this would be a very wise decision based on your deep commitment to excellence.. but the Raiders have a Bye this week. You'll need to drop some players to pick up some non-Raiders. Do you drop Janikowski and the TE Courtney Anderson and scramble together a rag-tag team of free agents (page 744) or do you play like a real man and activate all your Raiders, believing in their ability to score points without even playing? (page 788)
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Listicle 20.0Ż
BLOG ENTRY
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ I couldn't decide which to use as an example, they're all my favorite.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ Coming back from lunch just now, I saw an older black guy selling stuff near Bowling Green wearing: leather sandals, many-pocketed cargo pants, a D.A.R.E. t-shirt, assorted gold and silver colored jewelry, a tan beret and.. and I'm still trying to believe this part myself.. a restaraunt-style paper-wrapped straw pulled through one earing hole. - The thought of him later using this straw, for some reason, makes me want to mentally throw up inside my brain. ...It takes a lot to phase me.. Kudos Sir, kudos.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ If I didn't already have a self cleaning litterbox, I'd buy this one. Watch the how-it-works animation to see the novel concept the use for the emptying process. Oh and it's got the word "robot" in it which always gets major bonus points from me.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ fly a plane through your favorite google cities. and uhh.. shoot bullets? and crash? really, Google??
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ most hilarious stuff I've read in a long while: "His usual tactic is to assume a character and infiltrate an organization (the Raelians, Hollywood studios, the Guardian Angels, the Philip Michael-Thomas Psychic Reader Network) and then write about his experiences".
Update: I just finished his book The Harmon Chronicles. Funniest f'n book I've read in a year or more.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ Esra and I in ascii. just 'cause...
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ not actual photos, they're photorealistic gradient mesh vector art.. would you have known?
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ I'm sorry Esra, you are now in competition with this robot.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ I couldn't decide which to use as an example, they're all my favorite.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ Coming back from lunch just now, I saw an older black guy selling stuff near Bowling Green wearing: leather sandals, many-pocketed cargo pants, a D.A.R.E. t-shirt, assorted gold and silver colored jewelry, a tan beret and.. and I'm still trying to believe this part myself.. a restaraunt-style paper-wrapped straw pulled through one earing hole. - The thought of him later using this straw, for some reason, makes me want to mentally throw up inside my brain. ...It takes a lot to phase me.. Kudos Sir, kudos.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ If I didn't already have a self cleaning litterbox, I'd buy this one. Watch the how-it-works animation to see the novel concept the use for the emptying process. Oh and it's got the word "robot" in it which always gets major bonus points from me.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ fly a plane through your favorite google cities. and uhh.. shoot bullets? and crash? really, Google??
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ most hilarious stuff I've read in a long while: "His usual tactic is to assume a character and infiltrate an organization (the Raelians, Hollywood studios, the Guardian Angels, the Philip Michael-Thomas Psychic Reader Network) and then write about his experiences".
Update: I just finished his book The Harmon Chronicles. Funniest f'n book I've read in a year or more.
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ Esra and I in ascii. just 'cause...
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ not actual photos, they're photorealistic gradient mesh vector art.. would you have known?
ôÕõØøŏŐőǿ I'm sorry Esra, you are now in competition with this robot.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
my second article published - the Raider Shoulder
BLOG ENTRY
8/3/06 update: I sent an email to the people at RaiderNews.com, the definitive link to all things Oakland Raiders, they collect and post links to every Raider-related article they can find in their scouring of national papers - I've gone to this site every day for the past 5 or 6 years - and today they put up a link to my article! meaning Raider fans everywhere will be reading it today!! (maybe even owner Al Davis? hey, it's said he does nothing but live and read and breathe Raiders)
The perfectionist in me knows the article isn't perfect, but hey... whatcha gonna do? it's a fun piece meant for fun. ok, enough second guessing. let's get back to how awesome I am.
--------------------
Just a quick FYI that I got a second article published by theSimon.
WOO HOO me! Kory is the best! and hottest! I totally wanna make out with him!
ok, maybe not that last one. not me making out with me at least.
Anyyyyou... here's the direct link.
The Joy of the Raider Shoulder
By Kory Dayani, Aug 2, 2006
The first rule of Raider-Shoulder club is … tell everyone about Raider-Shoulder club.
.....“What is a Raider Shoulder?” you ask. The "Raider Shoulder," as not-at-all-defined by Merriam-Webster, is a walking shoulder nudge to someone who, most often through general absent-mindedness or intentional arsehole-ness, moved himself into your way or, after you say “excuse me,” does not get out of your way.
.....Originally, the name "Raider Shoulder" derived from the vicious tackles of Oakland Raider hall-of-fame safety Jack Tatum. I have seen film footage of dozens of his tackles where four things happened, almost instantaneously: 1) a fast moving blur of Jack Tatum is seen coming in for a hard hit; 2) a massive collision occurs; 3) the player hit goes flying, limbs flailing like a rag doll; and 4) Jack Tatum remains standing, nonchalantly looking down at his victim, as if he had calculated the physics needed to crush someone and remain standing.
.....In practice, however, the Raider Shoulder isn't at all vicious but actually refers to keeping your stride’s momentum regardless of what absent-minded people around you are doing. I hate to romanticize it – who am I kidding, I love nothing more than romanticizing it – but it is very Zen in its cycle of maintaining your own harmonic motion through space while disrupting the disharmonic motion that people who don’t pay attention exude. Walk through the obstacles placed before you; Bruce Lee would often say, "Do not strike a target, strike through your target." Bruce would have given a masterful Raider Shoulder.
.....Why is this necessary? Well, because we all have common sense. We all know when someone around us is holding us up or causing a traffic jam for others. We even realize in hindsight that we have done that to others. That's fine. If you've done that, you deserved a Raider Shoulder. I'm sorry, but you did. I'm not above this by any means. I have literally congratulated people on the fine Raider Shoulders they've delivered to me. ("Good one!" I’ll say, in a truly impressed tone). New York Zen, in fact, dictates that your day should not be disrupted by the self-involvement of others. You shouldn't be dodging out of the way of people. You have your own space and agenda. Respect it enough to maintain it.
For example:
* A bottleneck of people form so that opposing traffic can only pass each other one at a time in either direction, but two conversing people coming at you still insist on walking side by side. You definitely have to give a Raider Shoulder to the one nearest you.
* You're walking down the street and someone, or a group of people, just stops. Right in front of you. Without considering who might be walking right behind them... rrring-rrring ... hello? who's there? Raider Shoulder!!
* A group of three or more people walk side by side, walking straight at you. What do you do? You keep a deadpan expression, gaze straight through them, and Raider Shoulder if needed. (Often they'll part to let you through... if they don’t - bon appetit! deeelicious Raider Shoulder time!)
* You've been holding a door open for people to enter a building, and as you go to enter after them, some corporate meathead on a cell phone tries to barrel out of the building without a look or word of thanks for holding the door open... 'Ello Gov'nah! Raida' Shoulda' fo’ya'!!
* People crowd a subway train door and don’t let people off? Ohh, sweet Tatum. There's a whole lotta Raider Shoulder about to be dished out!
.....Am I describing some sort of individual vigilante justice? Maybe. Is it my job to teach people lessons? Well... probably not. Am I suggesting we create an almost fight-club type atmosphere by suggesting that everyone should take personal responsibility for enforcing the rules of public common sense and then accept accountability for when you've broken those rules, accident or not? Why yes, it would seem that I am. Is asking questions and then answering them myself annoying? You bet it is. Will I stop? Probably not. Why not? Don’t know... kinda don’t feel like it. Ok, really ...am I done now? ........yes.
.....I know this all comes off with an air of condescension, but honestly that has to be part of it. It has to be part of it. You are doing something right. And someone else is doing something wrong. Need an official mandate? Fine. I hereby deputize you as autonomous instruments of justice in the interest of maintaining order. Vigilantes dole out justice, that's what they do. If I were advocating knocking people to the ground or punching people in the kidneys, sure, I'd be crazy, worthy of being locked up. I'm talking about a simple Raider Shoulder.
.....Since the Raider Shoulder is basically for people "not playing by the rules" of general walking traffic, it must be done in a way wherein it is obvious to the person being bumped into that he was at fault. But there are varying degrees of the strength of the Raider Shoulder you should be delivering, of course – and different strengths for different offenders.
.....Mean old ladies might need, at the most, a slight nudge – you really don’t want to be the person everyone's staring at for knocking an old lady down. Try not to lay hits on children either – generally, your shoulders will be above their head height anyway. Basically, make the punishment fit the crime. Also, don’t Raider Shoulder roving gangs of hooligans.... or psychotic crazy people. I haven't had reason to try, but I'm going to guess that it'd be a good idea not to Raider Shoulder the police, either. Or body builders. What about people with knives? Good, you're catching on – off limits. Safety first.
.....If you're not using common sense with whom you Raider Shoulder... well... maybe you need a Raider Shoulder. In the right hands and used properly, the Raider Shoulder will be your friend. It will love and protect you. It will instill a feeling of self-reliance and assuredness. It will administer small bits of justice in small enough doses to small-time offenders. It will make your food taste better and your hair luxuriously soft. One last point. Once you Raider Shoulder, never look back. Always smile to yourself as you walk away. Never apologize (unless you accidentally Raider Shouldered too hard to fit the “crime”). You will feel better, they will have learned a lesson … or not. In which case, someone else should teach them again, later.
8/3/06 update: I sent an email to the people at RaiderNews.com, the definitive link to all things Oakland Raiders, they collect and post links to every Raider-related article they can find in their scouring of national papers - I've gone to this site every day for the past 5 or 6 years - and today they put up a link to my article! meaning Raider fans everywhere will be reading it today!! (maybe even owner Al Davis? hey, it's said he does nothing but live and read and breathe Raiders)
The perfectionist in me knows the article isn't perfect, but hey... whatcha gonna do? it's a fun piece meant for fun. ok, enough second guessing. let's get back to how awesome I am.
--------------------
Just a quick FYI that I got a second article published by theSimon.
WOO HOO me! Kory is the best! and hottest! I totally wanna make out with him!
ok, maybe not that last one. not me making out with me at least.
Anyyyyou... here's the direct link.
The Joy of the Raider Shoulder
By Kory Dayani, Aug 2, 2006
The first rule of Raider-Shoulder club is … tell everyone about Raider-Shoulder club.
.....“What is a Raider Shoulder?” you ask. The "Raider Shoulder," as not-at-all-defined by Merriam-Webster, is a walking shoulder nudge to someone who, most often through general absent-mindedness or intentional arsehole-ness, moved himself into your way or, after you say “excuse me,” does not get out of your way.
.....Originally, the name "Raider Shoulder" derived from the vicious tackles of Oakland Raider hall-of-fame safety Jack Tatum. I have seen film footage of dozens of his tackles where four things happened, almost instantaneously: 1) a fast moving blur of Jack Tatum is seen coming in for a hard hit; 2) a massive collision occurs; 3) the player hit goes flying, limbs flailing like a rag doll; and 4) Jack Tatum remains standing, nonchalantly looking down at his victim, as if he had calculated the physics needed to crush someone and remain standing.
.....In practice, however, the Raider Shoulder isn't at all vicious but actually refers to keeping your stride’s momentum regardless of what absent-minded people around you are doing. I hate to romanticize it – who am I kidding, I love nothing more than romanticizing it – but it is very Zen in its cycle of maintaining your own harmonic motion through space while disrupting the disharmonic motion that people who don’t pay attention exude. Walk through the obstacles placed before you; Bruce Lee would often say, "Do not strike a target, strike through your target." Bruce would have given a masterful Raider Shoulder.
.....Why is this necessary? Well, because we all have common sense. We all know when someone around us is holding us up or causing a traffic jam for others. We even realize in hindsight that we have done that to others. That's fine. If you've done that, you deserved a Raider Shoulder. I'm sorry, but you did. I'm not above this by any means. I have literally congratulated people on the fine Raider Shoulders they've delivered to me. ("Good one!" I’ll say, in a truly impressed tone). New York Zen, in fact, dictates that your day should not be disrupted by the self-involvement of others. You shouldn't be dodging out of the way of people. You have your own space and agenda. Respect it enough to maintain it.
For example:
* A bottleneck of people form so that opposing traffic can only pass each other one at a time in either direction, but two conversing people coming at you still insist on walking side by side. You definitely have to give a Raider Shoulder to the one nearest you.
* You're walking down the street and someone, or a group of people, just stops. Right in front of you. Without considering who might be walking right behind them... rrring-rrring ... hello? who's there? Raider Shoulder!!
* A group of three or more people walk side by side, walking straight at you. What do you do? You keep a deadpan expression, gaze straight through them, and Raider Shoulder if needed. (Often they'll part to let you through... if they don’t - bon appetit! deeelicious Raider Shoulder time!)
* You've been holding a door open for people to enter a building, and as you go to enter after them, some corporate meathead on a cell phone tries to barrel out of the building without a look or word of thanks for holding the door open... 'Ello Gov'nah! Raida' Shoulda' fo’ya'!!
* People crowd a subway train door and don’t let people off? Ohh, sweet Tatum. There's a whole lotta Raider Shoulder about to be dished out!
.....Am I describing some sort of individual vigilante justice? Maybe. Is it my job to teach people lessons? Well... probably not. Am I suggesting we create an almost fight-club type atmosphere by suggesting that everyone should take personal responsibility for enforcing the rules of public common sense and then accept accountability for when you've broken those rules, accident or not? Why yes, it would seem that I am. Is asking questions and then answering them myself annoying? You bet it is. Will I stop? Probably not. Why not? Don’t know... kinda don’t feel like it. Ok, really ...am I done now? ........yes.
.....I know this all comes off with an air of condescension, but honestly that has to be part of it. It has to be part of it. You are doing something right. And someone else is doing something wrong. Need an official mandate? Fine. I hereby deputize you as autonomous instruments of justice in the interest of maintaining order. Vigilantes dole out justice, that's what they do. If I were advocating knocking people to the ground or punching people in the kidneys, sure, I'd be crazy, worthy of being locked up. I'm talking about a simple Raider Shoulder.
.....Since the Raider Shoulder is basically for people "not playing by the rules" of general walking traffic, it must be done in a way wherein it is obvious to the person being bumped into that he was at fault. But there are varying degrees of the strength of the Raider Shoulder you should be delivering, of course – and different strengths for different offenders.
.....Mean old ladies might need, at the most, a slight nudge – you really don’t want to be the person everyone's staring at for knocking an old lady down. Try not to lay hits on children either – generally, your shoulders will be above their head height anyway. Basically, make the punishment fit the crime. Also, don’t Raider Shoulder roving gangs of hooligans.... or psychotic crazy people. I haven't had reason to try, but I'm going to guess that it'd be a good idea not to Raider Shoulder the police, either. Or body builders. What about people with knives? Good, you're catching on – off limits. Safety first.
.....If you're not using common sense with whom you Raider Shoulder... well... maybe you need a Raider Shoulder. In the right hands and used properly, the Raider Shoulder will be your friend. It will love and protect you. It will instill a feeling of self-reliance and assuredness. It will administer small bits of justice in small enough doses to small-time offenders. It will make your food taste better and your hair luxuriously soft. One last point. Once you Raider Shoulder, never look back. Always smile to yourself as you walk away. Never apologize (unless you accidentally Raider Shouldered too hard to fit the “crime”). You will feel better, they will have learned a lesson … or not. In which case, someone else should teach them again, later.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Listicle 19.6I
BLOG ENTRY
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - It's that time again, peoples! time to score me (and/or you and me) Saturday Night Live tickets!! - "To enter the Saturday Night Live ticket lottery for the upcoming 2006-2007 season send an email in the month of August only to snltickets@nbcuni.com. Please include all contact information and do not request a specific date. If you are selected, you will receive two tickets to a random show date and time. You may only send one email per household and all audience members must be at least 16 years of age. Please note that entering the lottery does not guarantee tickets, and you will only be notified in the event that you are chosen. "
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - Sadly, most people probably wont ever see this article because it's a) in a magazine b) longer than the 3.5-minute American-attention-span limit c) yet another depressing example of covert politics run amok: Even before the bombs fell on Baghdad, a group of senior Pentagon officials were plotting to invade another country. Their covert campaign once again relied on false intelligence and shady allies. But this time, the target was Iran. BY JAMES BAMFORD in Rolling Stone magazine
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - Heat wave got your salivary glands parched? prepare to drool.
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - Get yo baby bumpin' the mad hydraulics action in preparation the low-rider hoopdies we'll all ride in the future.
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - I really dont know what to say about this... or this (because it's all well and good until your child races his little engine down the stairs)
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - It's that time again, peoples! time to score me (and/or you and me) Saturday Night Live tickets!! - "To enter the Saturday Night Live ticket lottery for the upcoming 2006-2007 season send an email in the month of August only to snltickets@nbcuni.com. Please include all contact information and do not request a specific date. If you are selected, you will receive two tickets to a random show date and time. You may only send one email per household and all audience members must be at least 16 years of age. Please note that entering the lottery does not guarantee tickets, and you will only be notified in the event that you are chosen. "
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - Sadly, most people probably wont ever see this article because it's a) in a magazine b) longer than the 3.5-minute American-attention-span limit c) yet another depressing example of covert politics run amok: Even before the bombs fell on Baghdad, a group of senior Pentagon officials were plotting to invade another country. Their covert campaign once again relied on false intelligence and shady allies. But this time, the target was Iran. BY JAMES BAMFORD in Rolling Stone magazine
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - Heat wave got your salivary glands parched? prepare to drool.
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - Get yo baby bumpin' the mad hydraulics action in preparation the low-rider hoopdies we'll all ride in the future.
ÌìÍíÎîÏïĨĩĪīĬĭĮįİı - I really dont know what to say about this... or this (because it's all well and good until your child races his little engine down the stairs)
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