Friday, August 11, 2006

celebrity conversations, imagined:

[elevator door opens, revealing Paris Hilton and her bodyguard staring vacantly]

Kevin Bacon: Heyyy... well... Paris. Hi.
Paris Hilton: Hi.
Kevin Bacon: good to see you again. [looks for recognition, sees none] 'member? we met in 97 at the Las Vegas Hilton?
Paris Hilton: do I know you?
Kevin Bacon: yeah. Kevin Bacon. well, no you dont know know me, but we met.
Paris Hilton: when?
Kevin Bacon: '97. 1997. In Las Vegas.
Paris Hilton: oh yeah.
Kevin Bacon: oh yeah 'you remember'.. or.. oh yeah 'I just said '97'?
Paris Hilton: what?
Kevin Bacon: nevermind... what are you doing here?
Paris Hilton: Umm.. we're going up [gives her bodyguard a "duh" look]
Kevin Bacon: No I mean in Veil. what are you doing in Veil? skiing?
Paris Hilton: I'm buying a llama. it's name is Georgie. well, it's gonna be Georgie at least, unless it's a dude llama.. in which case I'll name him Poncherello.
Kevin Bacon: cool. that sounds.... umm...
Paris Hilton: who are you?
Kevin Bacon: Kevin Bacon. I'm an actor? You've probably seen me in some movies. [pause] Footloose? Flatliners? [pause] Apollo 13?
Paris Hilton: Oh yeah. Flashdance.
Kevin Bacon: No. that wasn't me.
Paris Hilton: what? why not? what about Six Degrees of Separation?
Kevin Bacon: no, but close. some people made up a game where they use me to tie other actors together through various movies I've been in.
Paris Hilton: you play a game where you tie up actors??? that's awesome.. like in Swimming With Sharks.
Kevin Bacon: this is my floor. good talking to you.
Paris Hilton: bye, sexy.


[by the hotel pool]

Carson Daily: duuude, what's up, man? wow. it's great to meet you!
John MacEnroe: Hi. uhh.. you look familiar.
Carson Daily: Carson Daily... the Carson Daily show? MTV? what's up, bro?? I've been a fan for for... since WAY back!
John MacEnroe: you have a tv show?
Carson Daily: yeah, it's cool. Oh man - great idea: I totally wanna have you as a guest.. would you.. be up for somethin' like that?
John MacEnroe: Uh.. sure, yeah. I'm no music expert but..
Carson Daily: oh, dont worry about it, we wont even talk about music.
John MacEnroe: your show's on MTV? but we wont tal..
Carson Daily: yeah, it's totally cool, no worries man.
John MacEnroe: you have a tv show???
Carson Daily: yeah, why?
John MacEnroe: Oh, nuthin'. what's your show about? what's the format?
Carson Daily: it's a talk show. I talk to people. Or they talk. You know, talk show kinda stuff.
John MacEnroe: Yeah, I know.
Carson Daily: huh? well, yeah.. I'll have my people call your people then. Man, this is wicked! Ivan MacEnroe!! I cant believe it... This'll be awesome!
John MacEnroe: it's ... nevermind... yeah, do that. your people, my people .. will talk I guess, then.
Carson Daily: [impersonating John MacEnroe] Out?? What do you mean that was out?? that was soooo IN! Duuude! C'mon!
John MacEnroe: Ha ha. yeah. I used to get...
Carson Daily: ok bro, I gotta jet. We'll talk.
[Carson Daily leaves]
John MacEnroe: douchebag.

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